First Times  Doctor
by grumpyjenn
Summary: The Doctor and River Song have a love for the ages - but it's timey-wimey. Companion piece to First Times - River


The first time River Song made love to the Doctor was a few days after she had revealed her identity as Melody Pond... for him. For her it was difficult to say. But it didn't really matter to her, because their relationship was mad and topsy-turvy and out of order, and as long as they had time together she was content. The Doctor was a bit... frustrated, however. When they met they were flirtatious and full of innuendo, but that was more in the nature of wishful thinking than actual truth. Thus far.

So he was without expectation - but with plenty of hope - that River would be there in her cell in Stormcage when next he tried to meet her there. He missed her sardonic humor and her ready wit and her wild hair and her... well, most things about her, actually. He wasn't exactly a fan of the tendency toward quick and ready violence, but well... he did like a bad girl, him, and River Song _definitely _had some bad girl bits to her. Clever and funny and curvy and warm bad girl bits...

He shook himself quickly and allowed his eyes to dart around the room, his hearts speeding up slightly, before mentally kicking himself. _Don't be stupid, Doctor, _he scolded himself. _The only telepath here is _you_._ _Well, and the TARDIS. But she won't mind._

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"Hello, Sweetie," River said as he stepped out of the TARDIS outside her cell at Stormcage. He stared at her. She was wearing a dress without much fabric to it, and she had done something new with her hair - it was all up in little ringlets on top of her head and tendril-y bits of it were brushing her neck and her shoulders and... and she looked... she looked _amazing_. "My love, perhaps you should close your mouth - you look rather like Jim the Fish. Or haven't you done that yet?" She smiled at him, that little smile that made his knees all wibbly-wobbly, as though he were in two times at once. Again. That was always uncomfortable but sort of pleasant, which was exactly how River's smirk made him feel. He snapped his mouth shut rather belatedly, and then fumbled the sonic screwdriver from his breast pocket, but nearly dropped it and had to tear his gaze away from her hair in order to regain his wits.

The Doctor swallowed, hard, and sonicked the security camera and then her cell door. River sauntered out of the cell and kissed him on the cheek. He closed his eyes briefly to concentrate on the spicy-sweet scent of her, and when he opened them again, she was standing _very _close, smiling that smile at him again. "Tim - I mean Jim - the Fish? No, haven't done that." His voice was a little hoarse, and he cleared his throat and recovered himself. "Right, then," he said, briskly clapping his hands together, "Come along, Song, let's go see something amazing, shall we?" He offered her his arm and she accepted it, and they walked together to the TARDIS.

"This never gets old," River said dreamily as they stepped inside the blue box. She stroked the door frame affectionately. "Hello, Old Girl, how've you been?" She laughed that rich laugh and shivers went up the Doctor's spine. "All right, then, How've you been, how are you, how will you be... whatever you like." She smiled at the Doctor. "Now, Sweetie, let's compare diaries so we know what we can say and what we can't. No Jim the Fish yet, you say?" She sat on the stair and crossed her legs demurely, taking her blue book out of her handbag and looking up at him expectantly. He sat on the step below hers, folding his long legs underneath him, and got out the matching book. They sat there with their heads together, and compared the entries in the books and discovered together that it was quite early for him and really rather late for her, which made her sigh with a kind of wistful nostalgia. "Doctor?" He looked up inquiringly, and found her face only inches from his. She smiled that wicked little smile at him and reached out to straighten his bow tie, trailing her fingers along his jaw as she finished.

And then she took his face in her hands, and she kissed him.

_Oh_, the Doctor thought, _the wibbly-wobbly goes all the way up_. He felt his hearts begin to race as she deepened the kiss, and the blue book slid from his hands when her fingers laced around the back of his neck, drawing him in closer. And then he remembered the look on her face the _last _time they had kissed like this, the blank and broken look that said she was trying not to show how much he had hurt her when he had walked away, babbling like an idiot. _"Look at the time," indeed_, he thought, with disgust at his own stupidity. He had (_would_) hurt her so _much_, and the thought made him break the kiss and touch his forehead to hers, willing her to understand that he hadn't meant it, he hadn't _known _how much that offhand remark would/had hurt her. He didn't realize there were tears on his face - and on hers - until she gently wiped them off with one small hand. "What is it, my love?" she asked, and he wanted to tell her.

But he couldn't.

He had to clear his throat several times before he could speak. "I... River, I... oh _damn_," he half-whispered, miserably, "Spoilers." He tried to smile at her, but he knew that, as smiles went, this one was a failure. "River... I need you to remember, _please_ remember, whatever happens, that I didn't... I don't mean to hurt you. _Please_." She smiled at him, and he felt a fresh wave of guilt and longing and pain, because she was smiling at him and soon - for her it would be _soon_ - she would be heartbroken. And it would be his fault. Again. So he closed his eyes and gathered her into his lap and held her, just held her, trying to make her _feel _that she was loved, because the _next _time... well. So he cradled her there in his arms, and she stroked his back and his shoulders and made soothing noises, and they held each other as he buried his face in her hair.

Eventually the comforting strokes of River's hands on his shoulders became more sensual and she brought her mouth back to his. He started to pull away again, but she held his face firmly between her hands and murmured into his mouth, pleadingly. "Don't leave. Please?"

"But I-" _I don't want to hurt you, _he thought_, but I need..._

"Shh... " River whispered, and just... drew him in. Her arms wound around his neck and she pulled him closer. "Please. _I need you_." There were tears in her voice now, and he felt his hearts breaking at the sound.

He couldn't bear to see her cry - never could - and so he kissed her back, and _oh! _he thought, _so sweet and warm and... and.. so _River Song_, so much herself. _He groaned her name and shuddered with need as she snuggled deeper into his lap. His hands moved as if of their own accord into her hair, freeing the wild mass of it from the pins and feeling it tumble down around her shoulders and his hands like some sort of curtain of crinkly, silky-soft... silk. He buried his hands in it and combed his fingers through the strands, letting them slip over his skin as she moaned into his mouth.

The sound completely unraveled what little composure the Doctor had left, and he let his fingers slide out of River's hair and down the curve of her neck to unfasten the tie of her dress. The bodice of it pooled around her waist and he groaned again as he realized she wasn't wearing anything beneath it. His hands were on her breasts now, stroking them to aroused peaks, and she arched into his touch, her moans and whimpers and caresses and kisses overwhelming his senses as they overbalanced onto the floor of the console room. And then his brain shut off and he gave into the sensations and the feelings of _being with River like this_.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Hours later, they lay entwined on the deck of the TARDIS' console room, holding each other and murmuring little endearments - just _being together _- in the afterglow of their loving.

He wanted her to stay. He knew she wouldn't - she had things to do, places to be - but he wanted her to stay with him, here safe with him and the Old Girl. That was all; he just wanted her _safe_. But she wasn't that kind of girl, his clever and wild bad girl River, not the kind who would be content to stay safe, not when she could be out _doing_. She wouldn't stay.

"Stay with me." He winced inwardly. He hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"I can't," she whispered, tears in her voice again, stroking his face with her fingertips, "You know that."

"Then you must promise me, River," the Doctor said, looking into her eyes, "Promise me that you will remember, _whatever happens_, that you are always and completely loved." She looked at him with an aching sadness in her eyes, and he knew that in spite of all the warnings about spoilers, she knew _something_ about what was in store for her, in her future and his past. He took her face between his hands. "_Please_, River. Promise me." He managed a smile, although he felt that it didn't reach his eyes.

River looked searchingly at his face, nodded once, and whispered, "I promise." She smiled back at him, but her smile didn't reach her eyes either, and he knew that she_ would _remember... but that ultimately it wouldn't matter.

They both knew it, really, knew that there was no _happily ever after _to their story. And so they did the only thing they could bear to do: They loved, and they lived, and they traveled the universe together, and they were happy in the _now_.


End file.
